And now for the questions. Just delete or ignore any which do not apply to you.
The questions are:
• When did you first realize you were ABDL?
My first ABDL-related memory was very early, when I was no more than 3 years old. I must have been in the late stages of potty training, and wasn’t supposed to be wearing diapers anymore. I had hidden some diapers, and I put one on, wanted more & and so I put 1 or 2 more on top. I pulled up my pajama pants to cover, then waddled out into the living room where my family was watching TV. I distinctly remember the thrill of possible exposure as I walked up behind the couch, wanting to see what was on TV, but not wanting them to notice my thick diaper. I remember feeling comforted & excited by the diapers, and wishing I could always wear thick diapers.
I don’t recall any regressive AB tendencies during my early childhood, but I was definitely fascinated with diapers all along. It was common back then for grocery stores to have ads on their aisle signs, and every time I was in a supermarket I would scan the store for the diaper aisle and stare at the baby diaper ad—larger than life—hanging above the aisle. I’d find any excuse to happen to walk down the diaper aisle, and if no one was around I might casually let my hand brush some of the packages, or stop & stare at a the pictures of diapers.
In my pre-teen years, from age 5 or 6 on, I remember having pretty extreme fantasies involving diapers & “adult themes”. These fantasies weren’t sexual to me back then, but were kinky as heck for sure.
As I transitioned into puberty, my fascinations & fantasies became my fetishes. Diapers & related ABDL stuff became my primary sexual interest, and remain so today. There is much more to my ABDL identity than the sexual elements, but let’s just say that in my teens I spent an awful lot of alone-time thinking about diapers. . .
I came across pics of guys in diapers on an early pre-.WWW provider which charged by the minute, CompuServe perhaps. This was when I realized I wasn’t the only one out there.
Later, I saw an add for reprints of a magazine and one of the covers had something like “The Adult Diaper Cult of Sausalito”. I purchased the reprint, and this is how I found D.P.F. (Diaper Pail Fraternity, later renamed Diaper Pail Friends). At the time D.P.F. was a printed newsletter that you could subscribe to and receive by mail, and had a catalogue of ABDL products that you could order, including non-fiction writings, stories, diapers, AB clothes & other paraphernalia. This is when I first began to grasp what ABDL was, and that the term described who I was.
• What steps did you take to get your diaper ‘fix’ as a child and/or teen?
Other than the layered-diaper story listed above, I didn’t experiment with diapers during my early childhood. I did show a major interest in the “Women’s” magazines that my mother would get. I said it was because of the recipes (I loved to cook). Much later, my mom mentioned that as one of the reasons she suspected that I was gay, when I finally came out. The reality was I loved to stare at the diaper ads, both those for baby diapers and more & more so those for adult diapers. By age 12 I was buying adult diapers from the store and wearing them in secret.
• Do your parents and/or siblings know about you and diapers? If so, please explain how, and how they reacted?
My ABDL side & behavior has never been brought up, and I’ve never been “obvious” about it around my family. But there is no possible way that they aren’t aware of it. I wore thick diapers frequently, and many times would try to hide an obvious diaper under my clothes as I hurried to leave the house away from my family’s prying eyes. I would throw bags of wet diapers in the trash, had boxes of diapers in my room, and would wash (& sometimes forget about) cloth diapers, plastic pants, & onesies in our washer/dryer.
• Have you dealt with the shame and regret that is the binge/purge cycle? Please explain.
My drive to do ABDL stuff ebbs & flows, but I’ve mostly been able to avoid the dreaded “purge”. I’ve had times when I wanted to repress this part of myself, and I just put the stuff away. Online, I’ve experienced the same cycle with my exposures. I can get into a state where all I want is to be more & more exposed in my diapers & AB clothing & more. So I take more pics of myself in ever-increasingly compromising situations and post those pics online. Then, for a while I get shy/nervous, and stop self-exposing. I rarely try to remove existing exposures though- I just pause from making new ones. I crossed a line a few years ago where I had to admit to myself that I had already permanently exposed myself online- since then it’s been easier to expose myself, since I know I’m already permanently exposed.
• For collegebabies/DLs, did this interest affect your college experiences? If so, how?
Being ABDL in college brought an element of fun to the experience. I wasn’t out about it, but being at school was an opportunity to wear diapers all day away from the prying eyes of close friends & family. I knew every private bathroom on the campus, and may have left a couple puddles on chairs during lectures, which I would do my best to wipe up before leaving class. I had a couple classes on human sexuality, and though thought I was being stealthy by just happening to “find” the ABDL fetish online, and “just happened” to write all my assignments on the subject. I look back at that & blush- the professor & her assistants must have had quite a laugh knowing that most of us were probably exploring & revealing our kinks through our choice of subject.
• How has this fetish affected your social life and/or dating? Married life? Parenting?
Outside of a few ABDL “friends with benefits” I’ve always kept my ABDL kink separate from my dating life. My most desired & satisfying experiences have always been diaper-related, and this has reduced my drive to date.
As far as dating within the ABDL/Kink world, I’ve had some great relationships. But the limited pool of partners makes it hard to find someone who is truly compatible as a long-term partner.
While I do have non-diaper sexual drives & enjoy “Vanilla” sex I can never entirely be satisfied with it. I love companionship and physical intimacy/sexual acts, but the “best sex” experiences I have had in my life all happened when I was alone, doing extreme things involving diapers.
I feel fortunate that I have found a long-term partner who accepts my fetish. He’s not into it, and doesn’t participate, but knows & supports the fact that I have and engage in this kink. This does somewhat limit my expression of my ABDL side at times, but I don’t mind. It just means I spend some of my reality being part of something beyond my fetish. I wouldn’t try to repress myself or hide this from my BF, but I also don’t need to engage in extreme diaper-kink when he’s around. Giving up a tiny bit of ABDL time in return for being a part of his life is a small sacrifice.
I imagine the same thing is true for parents with kinks. It may be frustrating at times that a family limits your opportunities to engage in fetish play. But the reward of having that family relationship far outweighs the cost.
I think the key to success is to always find a way to let your ABDL/fetish side out occasionally, ideally regularly. If your family relationship completely blocks you from expressing your kink, you’ll inevitable end up resenting it. So you find opportunities to play, here & there:
?Your partner is on a business trip?—Time to try and break your record for 24/7 wear!
?Your kid is away at summer camp? — Time to set up the basement dungeon!
?Home sick from work?—Thick diapers are comforting & therefore therapeutic;) And depending on what kind of sick, they might also be very functional, lol!
?On a long road trip?—No reason you can’t wear a diaper (or even nothing BUT a diaper) while you drive, even if you have to change right before you get to your destination.
• Some experts believe that we become the way we are because of traumas experienced at an early age, including abuse and/or neglect. Do your life experiences bear this out?
Zero traumatic experiences, no abuse or neglect, no childhood memories involving anyone else. It has always just been me & my diapers.
• Some people have pointed out their observation that a larger-than-average number of multiple birth babies (twins, etc.) rep the ABDL lifestyle. If you are one of these, please explain what effect, if any, you feel this may have had on your ABDLishness.
I haven’t noticed this, but it’s very interesting. I wish there were a large-enough study population to assess differences between monozygotic (identical twins—genetically identical) & dizygotic (birth twins—born together but different genes) twins, raised together (same childhood environment) vs apart (raised in different homes). How much of this is nature vs. nurture? It’s a fascinating question.
• For the older generation, please tell us more about what it was like being ABDL before social networking. I will be looking for the perspectives of members in their 40s, 50s, and even higher.
As I mentioned above, my early experiences were well before “social networking” happened. I felt fortunate to have randomly come across a reference to DPF. I also found some groups on Usenet (an early bulletin board interface), most notably “alt.fan.dean-stark.diaper-play”. You would click on a link, and if there was a picture it would take forever to load, line-by-line. You would wait seemingly forever for part of the picture to load, and if you didn’t like what you saw you’d try another post. If you liked what you saw, you would wait several minutes for the rest of the photo to load. (This was during the “dial-up” era, long before broadband.) Instead of countless Tumblrs & Twitters, there were a mere handful of websites like BabyMatt.net, DPF.com, TB.Universe, RUPadded.com, Zity.biz, etc.
ABDL content was harder to find, as well as drastically fewer ABDL people whom you could interact with. But it seems like the average quality of the content & the people you could find online was better. Back then, if you wanted to have an online presence, or to interact with other ABDLs you had to make a decent effort. Making a website took a lot of effort to build & host, so only people who were REALLY into ABDL took the time to do so.
Before the Web it was even harder to find content. There were some mail-lists that you subscribe to. As in snail-mail. You send your name & a few bucks to some address, and ever so often you get a letter in the post with ABDL content, or personal ads. Or kinksters might place a personal ad in the back of an adult magazine, & hope to make contacts that way.
• Do your interests involve a subset of this community, such as babyfurs, diaper disciplinarians, wet/messy, sissybabies etc.? Please tell us about it. I won’t even try to be specific here; just tell us what you think people should know.
Within the world of ABDL, I do have some specific interests:
I love thick diapers, and I especially love diapers that are so thick they are clearly “recreational”. See: https://ridiculouslythickdiaper.org/findings-2/why-ridiculously-thick-diapers/
-Exposure / Humiliation:
-Submission / Control / Bondage
• What % of your sexual activities and/or masturbation incorporate diapers? Has this caused problems for you?
• If you get into the regression aspect of ABDL please tell us more about that. If you do not, and you have feelings about being lumped into a fetish involving it, explain how it makes you feel.
Don’t let yourself be limited by my questions. If you have anything else at all that you would like to say please feel free to say it here:
If you are including photos for this entry please email them to me at email@example.com. Please simply state that they are either of you or were taken by you with the subject’s permission to share, and that you were 18+ at the time the photo was taken.
Thanks for contributing answers, an essay, photos, or anything else to my blog!