A very common theme among ABDLs is a desire to be exposed. We want other people to see us in our fantasy role, whether it be “adorable helpless baby” or maybe “dominated diaper-slave”. Exposure is a thrill & a risk, and usually the bigger the risk, the greater the thrill.
We also feel a deep pleasure in simply being exposed, even if nobody is seeing us. It’s an amazing thrill to find a safe, private place & feel free to go about your day in whatever outfit makes you happy. It’s easy to enjoy being an exhibitionist if nobody is watching.
Another strong theme is a desire to be humiliated. Wearing diapers and/or dressing up in AB outfits are pretty embarrassing things, even if done in total privacy. Add an audience, and it can get even more intense. Being exposed in diapers is one of the most humiliating things an ABDL can do. If the audience are “muggles” (people who aren’t into your particular kink, or kink in general) the humiliation is even bigger.
How do you go about getting exposed & humiliated without ruining your public life and/or being a complete asshole?
It is simply wrong to shove your fetish in the face of “innocent bystanders”. Wearing nothing but a diaper while shopping, or wearing a frilly sissy outfit to dinner isn’t illegal or immoral. But it sure as hell is rude & creepy. Rule-of-thumb: If you are getting off on making other people uncomfortable you are probably being an asshole.
There are ways to enjoy exposure without being a total creep. If you want to be exposed in front of other people in real life, find some like-minded kinksters and play with them. It might take some work to find these people & groups, but it is possible. No matter how weird your kink, you aren’t the only one out there.
Or find a fetish-friendly venue. Some bars have fetish nights, and some public festivals are fetish-friendly (e.g. Burning Man), or even fetish-focused (e.g. Folsom St. Fair).
Another approach is to find anonymous or private places to play. The key is having a reasonable expectation of privacy. If you’re in a private back-yard & you know you are not going to be seen (unless someone makes the effort to climb up your fence) you’re ok. Similarly, if you are camping in the far side of nowhere & some long-distance hiker passes by- no worries. Basically you’re unexpectedly being observed (e.g. “getting caught”) doing something weird. Not setting up a situation where you are trapping an innocent bystander into being an unwilling participant in your kink.
If someone sees you doing what you do in a “plausibly private” situation, then it’s their problem for looking. Yes you are a freak, but you were acting the freak in a private place. If you’re caught doing a kinky/embarrassing thing in a reasonably private place, then it’s just embarrassing or humiliating for you. By doing this in a “plausibly private” situation, you are eliminating the part where you are “getting off on making other people uncomfortable” -or at least you aren’t doing it on purpose.
Some things to consider:
I use the “Binoculars Rule“: if an observer needs binoculars / a telescope / a zoom lens to really see what you’re doing, you’re fine.
I have no problem wandering around on a beach in view of other people, as long as they are far enough away that they would have to really try to notice the particulars of how I’m dressed. At worst, they’ll see a guy who is wearing a weirdly large pair of shorts.
If they make the effort to “spy” on you, then again, it’s their problem if they don’t like it. They’re probably just going to laugh at you, then tell all their friends about the “freak in a huge diaper” that they saw.
Transience of exposure is another issue. My post at the top of this page is a perfect example. I found a spot where I could be clearly exposed to countless people, but only for a few seconds-I felt very comfortable with this. Similarly, if I’m playing on a shoreline somewhere and a boat comes floating by then disappears, I’m not worried. I just don’t want to find myself wearing obvious thick diapers, stuck in a lengthy interaction with someone, until there is no possible way they haven’t noticed my bulge. I’ll expose myself, but not shove it in people’s faces.
Isolation is closely related to the Binoculars Rule. You want to avoid face-to-face situations which are rude to the observer and potentially risky for you.
It’s no good if nobody can see you right now when all they have to do is walk around the corner to where you are. Finding decent isolation usually takes a bit of work- driving the extra mile, walking the extra distance. At least find a place where you can see approaching people at the “binoculars” range, so you have the time to cover up or disappear before they come closer.
Generally this involves going off the beaten path a bit. You never know when someone is going to come jogging by on a trail or drive by on a road. You need to make the effort to go where nobody else is likely to go. A short hike off-trail away from a crowded campsite can often find you a private sanctuary where you can expose yourself freely & comfortably.
Pro Tip: Remember that the roads & trails that you’re avoiding take lots of twists & turns . . . many times I’ve done a brutal bushwhack climb to an off-trail spot, then spent a while frolicking about & exposing myself, then packed up and walked another few meters to find that I was actually on the side of a road that I hadn’t seen!
Shorelines are a special case. Humans are drawn to places where land meets water, be it a tiny wooded stream or a tropical beach. They are typically pleasant & beautiful places- wonderful & comfortable places to be exposed. But of course, they draw other people as well, so it’s harder to find isolation or privacy.
Even worse, every shoreline is a natural path- if it’s walk-able, someone is likely to walk up to you; if the water is navigable (by anything from a rubber float toy to an aircraft carrier) someone is going to float on by eventually.
If you want to play in a public place-especially on a shoreline, you really need to consider the Binoculars Rule, Transience & Isolation. You don’t need them all, just enough combined to give you that “reasonable expectation of privacy”.